Evaluation

In relation to my project proposal, I feel that what I have produced was exactly what I set out to do. I spoke about how I wanted to present my work in a more creative way than what I previously have, considering sculptures as a way of doing this. The final piece I have produced for me creatively represents my photos, showcasing them in a contemporary way. Using a mixture of both photos and quotes is something I wanted to experiment with more since doing it within my last module, and I feel the combination of the two worked well within the sculpture. It visually allowed the images to breathe, creating a gap between the photos and therefore meaning the sculpture didn’t become to overcrowded. Although the project is personally to me, the text gave an insight into how I feel, which I feel the photos alone could not have done.

Creating a head to represent the idea of mental health was especially important to me, and feel that this was the right shape to create to represent my photos in a creative yet meaningful way. I am however disappointed with the execution of the sculpture slightly, as when hung up the sculpture appears stretched, not allowing the shape of the body to be fully seen. Finding the balance between keeping the shape and allowing the layers to be far enough apart from each other to view the pictures was especially difficult. I could have got around the problem by making the sculpture a lot bigger, which would have allowed me to space the layers further apart without losing the shape. However, this was not realistic within the time and budget I had. The execution of the photos linked directly with the idea of mental health. I purposely didn’t present the photos neatly, ripping some of them to give a personal feel to the work. I would want to make it clearer next time that I used 23 layers to represent my age, something that I feel is important when understanding the work in a personal piece.

The work is intended to be presented within a gallery space, with the photos that appear within the sculpture chronologically being placed around the room. This allows the audience to see the photos clearly, with the sculpture hanging in the centre of the room. This means that it would be easy to see from all angles. If I had more time I would create a 3d sculpture of what the sculpture would look like in a gallery space.

Overall I was happy with the outcome of my project. I feel that it was quite an ambitious project regarding time and money but handled it well. My biggest disappoint is how stretched the sculpture looks when hung up, however this is something that I could not have overcome unless making the sculpture a lot bigger. Although the execution did not go exactly as I planned, I was pleased with the concept. The idea of sculpture and installation art is something that has really interested me during this module, and is something that I want to look into continuing with during the final module.

Test Images

I created images with an abstract feel to them, which resembles my chaotic mind which derives from suffering with social anxiety. The colours within the images are used to attract the viewer to the images, using bright and vivid colours to draw attention to the work. Each image has themes throughout them, for example the green image being related to nature. This allows the viewer to try and create a picture within their mind, yet struggle to get a grip on what they are focusing on. It gives the viewer a insight on what it is like to suffer from social anxiety, giving the work an interactive feel.

The first image – with the blue and purple colours – for me doesn’t work within the series. Although the image appeals to me when viewed on its on, the colours are to different and vivid compared to the rest, making it stand out and not fit in with the other 3.

When presenting the images, I would put each image on an individual layer to break up the self portrait’s they don’t become boring. I would choose 3 of the images above, putting them at equal distance through the sculpture.

Test Images

I wanted to create images using shadows, playing on the word ‘consumption’, using colours to experiment with emotion. I feel that the green and red work best. This is because the green represents nature, which is a common theme within my work, whist the red ceases feelings of uneasiness, and anger. The idea of using a shadow shows a lack of connection from reality, as well as wanting to be unseen.

Although I am intrigued by the idea of working with shadows, I feel that these images do not work as they lack interest. I will continue to work with shadows within my photography, however replacing the plant with one that has a more obvious share, or using myself as the subject.

Test Images

‘There’s an emptiness that’s fills your teenage years. Going to university was supposed to be the best three years of my life, but ended up being the worst. You start to question yourself. Why can’t I make friends? What’s wrong with me? That’s when the loneliness kicks in. You spend so much time alone, that you begin to become comfortable with loneliness.’

These images were the initial test images for the quote above. The second two images of me being transparent work best for me. The first one is slightly boring and to me has no reference to loneliness as the surroundings have not be made visible enough.

However within the second two images, there is a sense of being lost within the landscape, an idea of loosing myself, especially as I am walking away.

Quotes

Below is the list of quotes that I have written to go onto my sculpture. I have also wrote the ideas for the photographs for each quote, although at this stage these are only rough ideas.

1.You grow up hearing everybody say, ‘she’s just quiet’. The school reports claiming, ‘Kirsty doesn’t speak much in class’. And everyone tells you that’s it’s just a phase. You’ll soon grow out of it and everything will be okay. But what if you don’t grow out of it. What if growing up means you get worse? You surround yourself with family because it’s the only comfort you can find. For a while you’re happy. You have a happy childhood, but there is always something missing. You look back on childhood photos and think, where did it all go wrong?

Photographs of when I was a child, showing how I was happy. Family will be included in these photographs to represent what made me feel comfortable. The comparison between childhood images and photographs of me now ask the question, where did it all go wrong?

2. There’s an emptiness that’s fills your teenage years. Going to university was supposed to be the best three years of my life, but ended up being the worst. You start to question yourself. Why can’t I make friends? What’s wrong with me? That’s when the loneliness kicks in. You spend so much time alone, that you begin to become comfortable with loneliness.

Doing my BA course at university and moving away from home made my anxiety so much worse. I become depressed and so isolated from people that I experienced such low times and loneliness. The idea of spending time alone and loneliness with be the may theme of the photographs attached to this quote. I may include a landscape in which I appear but small within the image, implying that I am alone.

3.After a while you become non-existent. You have a fear to make any form of conversation, a fear of rejection People stop trying to talk to you because they don’t know what to say and you know that you’re hard to talk to but there’s nothing you can do to make it better. No-body notices you anymore and you begin to become so removed from everything around you.

This image will be a simple self portrait, yet I will scratch the surface of the image to show that I am no longer noticeable and represent the idea of becoming removed from your surroundings.

4.You feel so lost in this world.

Once again I will include a landscape for this layer, but this time there will be nothing else within the image. It shows how consumed by my surroundings I can feel and once again plays on the idea of emptiness/loneliness.

5.You feel yourself sinking, further and further. Trying to grasp onto any part of recovery that you can to stop you loosing yourself.

This layer will show me submerged in water, almost drowning. This shows me at my lowest when I struggle with everything around me. This layer will be slightly repeated later on, yet will change to recovery.

6.The reflection in the mirror isn’t me. On the outside I am smiling. Underneath, I am suffocating. I’m juggling so much pain; physical, emotional and before you know it the cracks start to show.

A simple reflection of me in the mirror, yet the mirror may be cracked to represent what the true reality that people may not see when I put on a front. The idea of two personalities will be played with.

7. Social anxiety doesn’t just affect your mind. You feel like you can’t breathe. Like everything around you is rushing by and you can’t stand still. Your heart starts to beat faster. Palms clench. The whole-body tenses and you struggle to focus your mind on anything.

Images out of focus of different body parts mentioned within the quote. This will focus on the idea of everything rushing by, whilst demonstrating that social anxiety isn’t just mental, but also has physical affects.

8. But you have to find a way to hold on. You must find a way to breathe again.

This links with the easier idea of me being submerged in water, however this time being able to breathe which show the start the of the recovery process.

9. Only you are responsible for your happiness. You must create it. You choose your thoughts, your perceptions and your love.

Linked to image from previous module. Hugging myself in order to create happiness. The idea of self love and choosing to get better.

10.And when you find somebody who accepts you, even with all your faults, everything changes. You open up to them in a way you never thought you could with anyone.

Being in a relationship and initially meeting somebody is such a struggle when suffering with social anxiety, so to open up to them and act yourself around somebody is rare. However, when you do find somebody you rely on this person so much can no longer imagine being on your own again. I will simply have a photo holding hands with this person, yet the image will be simplistic so that the focus is solely on this.

11. You realise that the world has so much to offer.

Nature picture. Linking with the previous module where I contrasted self portraits with landscape/nature picture to represent chaos and peace.